


Infinite Sadness

by medaeus (medivhthecorrupted)



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:09:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25272958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/medivhthecorrupted/pseuds/medaeus
Summary: Obi-wan Kenobi reflects on his loss and future after losing Satine.
Relationships: Obi-Wan Kenobi & Satine Kryze, Obi-Wan Kenobi/Satine Kryze, Satine - Relationship
Comments: 2
Kudos: 28
Collections: 2020 Star Wars Summer Fic Exchange





	Infinite Sadness

**Author's Note:**

  * For [consideritalljoy](https://archiveofourown.org/users/consideritalljoy/gifts).



> For consideritalljoy for the Star Wars Summer Fic Exchange 2020. This wasn't my original (or second) idea that I wanted to write for you. The characters just would not talk to me and the second idea was going to require multiple chapters and could not be squished into a one shot. I plan on finishing that idea, but it will take a bit more time. This one came to me while trying to inspire the characters by watching the TCW episodes.

**Infinite Sadness**

“Remember my dear Obi-wan,” Satine rasped between shallow breaths, her hand caressing his bearded cheek fondly. “I’ve loved you always.”

Had anyone asked him what his future would be when he had been a youngling, he would have told them it would have been full of grand adventures and heroism. He would galivant around the galaxy with his master and his friends, negotiating peace and saving people from the evil that plagued them. He would be a hero and a Jedi Master, revered by his peers and a member of the High Council.

In a way, he would have been partly right about his future. No one could have told him that it would come with a heavy price though.

Had someone told him that price would have been infinite sadness, he would have laughed and told them not to be so cruel to him. He wished they could have told him and perhaps he would have been better prepared for the pain in his heart and soul when it finally came.

Tears pricked at the corners of his eyes, blurring the image of the woman he held in his arms just now, paying no heed to the Sith Lord and his brother or the Deathwatch Mandalorians flanking him. He inwardly cursed this biological mechanism and blinked them away so he could see her more clearly. He did not want his last moments with her to be fogged by this heart wrenching grief. He had thought he had steeled his heart against such pain when he had lost Qui-Gon so many years ago on Naboo, but he now realized he would never truly be prepared for the lightsaber through his heart.

Obi-wan wanted to speak. He wanted to tell her that he loved her, still loved her to this day. He wanted to tell her that he would leave the Order for her if she would just gather her strength and live. But the words did not and would not come. He could not speak, his throat seized with a silent grief more painful than had Darth Maul choked him with the Force.

“I… always will.”

He could feel her life fading away in the Force as Satine became limp in his arms and for once he wished he had not been Force sensitive. Having someone die in your arms and watching them die was different than feeling them pass on in the Force. The reality before him was an illusion, one he could fool himself into believing was not happening; that she was only sleeping and would awaken once he dealt with the Sith and their Mandalorian lapdogs. That everything would be alright in the end.

But the Force made this senseless death all the more tangible for him. It was final. There would be no happy ending for them. She would not awaken, her sleep, eternal.

Obi-wan wanted to give in to his grief and cry but that was not who he was or how he was taught. He also would not give that satisfaction to her killer, to see how broken he truly was. Gently, ever so gently, he drew her lifeless form closer to him and brought her still warm hand to his lips to kiss tenderly. He held her in his arms as if the gesture would be enough to protect her still, but again he knew it was an illusion to guard his heart from the pain he now felt.

A silent “I love you always” went unheard as he carefully laid her down on the palace floor. He made sure she was comfortable even though the dead did not need that comfort. He wanted to say it was for her, but it was more of an attempt to comfort himself and give him some sense of peace and control despite the emotions warring within him.

The gravelly voice of Savage intruded upon his silent vigil, “Do we kill him now brother?”

“No,” Maul stressed his reply with the joy of one who had achieved victory. “Imprison him below, let him drown in his misery. Take him to his cell to rot.”

The Deathwatch warriors flanking Obi-wan approached and tore him away from his beloved. He could feel his grief momentarily giving way to anger but it quickly exhausted itself before he could even think of lashing out at the Mandalorians. He wanted to hate them and Darth Maul, but he could not muster the strength to do so. There would be a time and place to bring justice to Satine later, when he had a clearer head and his heart did not ache as much.

Obi-wan stole one last glance at Satine’s body before he was forced to march forward with his escort. His head hung low and his shoulders were heavy with sorrow. He did not notice as they bound his hands in front of him and took away the tools and weapons his stolen armor had. He did not notice as they forced him onto a security speeder, and he did not resist when they made him kneel at the back.

All he knew was the sorrow and the memory of Satine’s last moments. Insidious thoughts began to worm their way into his mind as he replayed her murder repeatedly in his head. He knew he could have done something to save her. He had the power and the strength in the Force to stop Darth Maul. All he had to do was wrench the Darksaber from the Sith Lord’s grasp and cut down the two guards before they could respond to his attack.

He could have done this and done that. Said something different instead of what he had. He wondered if antagonizing Maul with what he knew about the Zabrak’s past had been wise. He had not meant to anger him. He had hoped to appeal to Maul and offer him a choice but now he knew that it had been foolish to try.

It had cost Satine her life.

Obi-wan wished that Maul’s vengeance had been to murder him instead of breaking his heart. Satine could live with losing him and he knows she would have done everything in her power to avenge him. It would have been better if it had been him who had died in her arms, him becoming one with the Force, him telling her he had loved her always and always would. The pain would have been great for Satine, but she was a strong woman, stronger than he could ever be.

She would have turned her grief into a righteous fury and brought down the might of the Mandalorians down upon the Sith Lord and his brother. No. She would not have. It was not her way and he chastised himself into thinking she would turn to violence. He realized then that it was not her that he was seeing bringing fire and fury down upon Darth Maul and Savage Oppress.

As he sat there kneeling on the speeder’s deck, Obi-wan Kenobi recognized the Darkside of the Force as it insidiously creeped up beneath the well-spring of his infinite sorrow. It promised him vengeance for Satine and all he had to do was give in to his anger and hatred. All he had to do was turn his grief into power and he could turn the tables on his enemies and make them suffer as he was suffering now.

_No. I will not dishonor Satine by embracing the very darkness that murdered her!_ He inwardly shouted at the red and black demon that had come to represent everything that dared to hurt and tempt him. He vowed he would get justice for Satine one day and he would do it as a Jedi and fully trenched in the Light. Darth Maul would not roam free forever and the Jedi would come for him as soon as the war with the Separatists was over. He and his dark master would both perish and Obi-wan was determined to see the Lightside of the Force triumph over their Darkside as it should be done.

He steeled himself against the Darkness and used the grief he felt to give him purpose again. He may have personally lost today, and the Darkside of the Force may celebrate in triumph over him, but he would continue to stand in the brilliant warmth of the Light because he had hope and his faith in the Force. Satine was gone, but his hope for a better future still stood. He would fight for that future and make sure no one else suffered as he did.

The security speeder came to a halt and the Mandalorians pulled the Jedi Master to his feet. One of them shoved him forward and he continued to appear as if he was broken. He could sense his lightsaber was near, the kyber crystal sung with the Light and the hope that was making its way back into his heart. All he needed was a distraction and the Deathwatch warriors would fall.

That distraction came with an explosion as explosive darts hit the jetpack of one of his guards. He had kicked the man away and fell back to give him some distance from the impending destruction. When the smoke cleared, blue and silver clad Deathwatch warriors dispatched the rest of the red and black armored ones. He was confused as to why they were helping him but knew better than to look a gifted gundark in the mouth.

“Sorry, I don’t believe we met. You are?” he asked of the red-haired warrior as she lit his lightsaber and severed the binders holding his hands together.

“Bo-Katan,” she tells him hurriedly. “I’m here to rescue you, that is all you need to know.”

Bo-Katan. He knew that name. Satine had not spoken much of her sister and he understood why. The civil war that ravaged her society had put a divide down the middle of her clan. She had chosen the New Mandalorian way while her sister had sided with the Traditionalists. One wanted peace and prosperity and the other desired the traditions of the old ways. It created a rift and they had not spoken since.

“Sounds good to me.” Obi-wan accepted his lightsaber back, any semblance of his grief gone as he focused on escaping with these rogue Deathwatch and Satine’s sister.

Bo-Katan lifted a jetpack from one of the dead guards and brought it over to the Jedi, “You ever use one of these before?” she asked while securing it to his back plate.

“No, but in this case, I am a fast learner.”

“Let’s go.”

Obi-wan did not need to be told twice. He ran forward and off the ledge, his jetpack unsteady for a moment until he had enough speed to straighten and fly with the confidence of a seasoned warrior. Hope filled him as he flew away. He would have a second chance at doing the right thing. He would go back to Coruscant and report on what he had learned. He would convince the Jedi Council to send aide to Mandalore and with Anakin and the Jedi at his side, he would bring justice to Darth Maul and his brother.

_For Satine_.


End file.
